Thursday, 16 June 2016

There's almost always an Irish bar everywhere to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in

Chapter 1: How the tradition happened

I am sure I don’t need to let you know that St Patrick's Day is a day celebrated the World over by drinking mainly pints of Guinness (or any other alcohol for that matter) annually on 17 March. What most people don’t know is that it is the death date of the most commonly recognised patron saint of Ireland, Saint Patrick (c. AD 385–461.)

Since 2003 my friend Laura and I have celebrated St. Patrick’s Day (or Paddy’s Day as it’s affectionately known to many) in a different place each year. It combines two of our favourite past times. Drinking and travelling. So how did this tradition come about I hear you cry. Well let me tell you.

Laura and I first met at University in Newcastle Upon Tyne in 1998. We both were studying Travel and Tourism Management and it was a super social course (often rudely branded a Mickey Mouse course by other business students.) Bastards. We had various course nights out and frequented the student union pretty much every week night without fail. Into our fourth year it became apparent Laura and I would be lifelong friends as our love of 80s nights and talk of travel deepened. We decided during one night at the union that we would go travelling for 6 months once we graduated.

Now it may have seemed to others that this was merely a drunken conversation but true to our annihilated words we then agreed that we would work the summer after our final exams and head off for a 6 month trip the following September. Having come up with a loose plan we then headed to the STA travel agent that was conveniently located at our University campus. How vintage actually going into a travel agent rather than just booking everything online as we do now.

We asked about the best way to do a round the world trip and the agent said the best fare would be one that went from London-Bangkok-Singapore-Sydney-Christchurch-Auckland-Los Angeles-NYC-London. This would come to the total cost of £1,000 which was indeed a deal.  What it meant was that it would also give us time to travel overland in each country before needing to get to our next city for the onward flight. It was perfect and she made out a mock itinerary with how long she thought we needed in each place and then actually held the seats for each flight. She said they would be held for 72 hours when we would need to either pay for them or let them go. Off we went with a printed copy of the itinerary and went to think it over.

Everything seemed perfect except for one thing. She had put us down to have 10 days in NYC. Now I think this would work out quite expensive for any traveller let alone one that has been on the road for just shy of 6 months so we decided we would go back and say that we were happy with everything but wanted to shorten the last bit to 3 nights only. She understood and started to make the change to the booking commenting that we would be flying back on the 17th March to London. I instantly thought that it was Paddy’s Day and perhaps we should stay just for one extra night? The agent checked it on her calendar (the day was marked green) and commented that it would be cool to spend Paddy’s Day in NYC. So there it was. Our last day of our Worldwide Tour would be the 17th March and we would come home to Blighty with a hangover the next day. What we didn’t know at the time was that in that moment we were starting a tradition which I intend to keep until my last Paddy’s Day on Earth.

Chapter 2: New York

Our Worldwide trip had pretty much allowed us to follow the sun around the Globe. We left the UK at the end of the summer heading to South East Asia where we spent a month covering Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore all of which were hot. We then arrived in Australia in time for the Southern hemisphere summer leaving New Zealand in early March for a few days in L.A. which let’s face it is always warm. We had conquered a jungle party on Koh Tao, climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Kayaking for three days in Noosa, Fraser Island, the Whitsunday Islands, bungee jumping in Queenstown, sky diving in Taupo and now we had our biggest drinking challenge of the trip to face.

So on the 14th March we touched down in a rather chilly NYC. We hadn’t packed clothes for this so we would have to make do with our fleeces as our main source of warmth. There wasn’t even a sniff of a conversation about buying some warm outer clothes. All our pennies were ear marked for sightseeing and alcohol.

During our travels we had been keeping in touch with friends back home and some of them had arranged to come and meet us in New York for a holiday. All of us (bar one) were NYC virgins so being short of a known place to meet we had agreed to rendez vous in the easily located Planet Hollywood in Times Square once we all had arrived. Could we have been any more touristy (or have picked a more expensive place to have a drink on our first night?)

We met up with Claire, Kathryn, Stuart and Michelle in the Planet and instantly starting gossiping about where we had been, where they were all working now they were in the real world and what should we do over the coming 4 days. Sinking a few cocktails we then decided to move on to a much more suitable drinking establishment in the form of a cheap speakeasy. Heading outside Michelle loudly commented that Laura and I would both be freezing if we didn’t have a jacket. Typical 22 year olds we thought we would be fine, especially if we kept our beer blanket on at all times throughout the day. We were all impressed by the city so far and even more so that steam actually does come out of the manholes in the street. Just like the movies. Drunk at 2am we headed for another most glamorous meal in McDonald’s before adjourning to the comfort of the YHA hostel for a few hours rest.

Breakfast no doubt consisted of a can of coke before heading out to see some of the sights. Unfortunately Claire and Kathryn had both developed a stomach bug (suspected from the plane) and for the rest of the trip would be on a vomit see-saw of one being ill and the other fine before reversing roles for a few hours. So leaving them to recover Laura and I went to do one of the must dos in the city and went up the Empire State Building. It was fantastic views and we took some great pictures with our very limited film camera. I do rather miss the anticipation of getting your film developed once returning from a holiday. In a way it used to be like living the whole thing again. The weather whilst we were atop the Empire State was perfect for seeing right across the city and our photos turned out magnificently. Post-summit we then took a walk across Brooklyn Bridge. This turned out to be one of the highlights of our trip and is something I look forward to doing each time I visit the city. It is such an amazing bridge and when the weather is as perfect as it was that day the views combined with the mood of fellow walkers cannot be beaten.

The next day with Claire and Kathryn still not 100% they still braved the cold and came out take the Staten Island ferry across the river so that we could catch a very distant glimpse of the Statue of Liberty before heading to the Guggenheim for a quick tour of some art. I find it interesting that the building is just as inspiring as the art within it. A theme I came to also find when visiting the Guggenheim in Bilbao some years later.

That evening we went for a meal in Little Italy in an actual restaurant which was quite a novelty for Laura and I having spent the past 5 and half months living on fairly basic street food. We discovered that portion control was not in place in the restaurant and did our best to each as much as we could. Post meal Kathryn and Claire had to give in to the bug and head back to the hostel but the rest of us decided it would be time to have just a couple of more drinks to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day Eve. We went to a bar in Chelsea which I have no idea what it was called but it was fun. Mainly due to the fact that (you guessed it) there was cheap beer and more importantly a garden swing inside. We merrily sat on the swing, drank our drinks and basically behaved like Brits abroad.

So the day arrived. Our first Paddy’s Day abroad. We awoke fairly early and made our way to 5th Avenue where we knew the parade was taking place. Short of something green to wear I went for an orange top in a bid to still look a little like I was sporting the national colours of the Emerald Isle. The atmosphere at the parade was great. Families and groups had gone all out and were covered head to toe in green “Irish” paraphernalia. The parade started and as far as the eye could see along 5th Avenue there were marching bands, police forces from other states as well as the odd group of firemen. We watched and clapped along for a good 2 hours making friends with those next to us. We found it amazing that nearly all of the locals were claiming to be Irish when in fact surely what they should have said is that they were of Irish decent somewhere along the line (a very long time ago.)

We couldn’t deny that NYC were putting on an impressive show but having watched for nearly 3 hours and there was still no end in sight for the parade we decided it was most definitely time to line the stomach and indulge in some alcohol abuse. We went to McDonald’s (typical travelers) and had for the first and only time a super-size meal. It was an outrage. There is never a need for that much Coke or chips ever. Onwards though to a bar that Michelle knew called Scruffy Duffy’s. We got there and already it was filled with people wearing free green t-shirts advertising the bar and it had that definite Paddy’s Day aroma of sweat and Guinness.  Immediately we joined in and found an area that we could stand, sing, drink and gossip until the sun went down. We carried on pint after pint acquiring more hats, stickers and other junk as the hours went on. At one point the barman stood on the bar with a champagne bucket full of $1 notes. He sang “If I had a million dollars” whilst throwing the money out to the crowd. As skint travelers we were ecstatic at catching a few of the stray flying notes.

We then moved on to what seemed like a very classy cocktail bar. At this point we were very hammered so I have no idea where in the city it was (or if it genuinely was that classy) but given the state of us in the pictures it can’t have been as they surely would not have let us in dressed the way we were at that point. We propped up the bar trying a few cocktails and admiring the eye candy that was the barman (I am still convinced he was the double of Freddie Prinze Junior or maybe even Freddie himself  but Laura denies me this) before taking his advice of going to a nightclub called Splash as that is where he was going after his shift. Following his instructions we immediately jumped a cab over there to find it was quite a hardcore gay / drag club. Result for me. The barman rode my bus. We got in the club and danced. We were without “Freddie” but had an amazing time.

On our last day in New York Kathryn and Claire were finally on the road to recovery (as we were about to leave) but we at least had a lovely final few hours walking the entire length of Central Park and stopping for a few pictures outside Tiffany & Co. and Bloomingdales. We did not venture inside the former mentioned establishment but we did go into the latter purely to buy some sweets which were then given to us in a “Little Brown Bag” which was our goal. Mission accomplished.

Heading to JFK we were tired but were on top of the world after having circumnavigated the planet as we had planned and finished with a fantastic celebration. We asked the BA staff for an upgrade on our flight back. We were quickly denied. We arrived back in England in one piece after our first Paddy’s Day adventure.

Chapter 3: Dublin

One year later both Laura and I were living in London. We had continued to work in travel and visiting new places was always top of what we wanted to spend our money on.

In the January of 2004 our friend Mo was returning from Australia and asked if he could crash for a few days at my place on his way back to his parents in Dublin. We had met Mo in Sydney and had lived with him there for a few months before we carried on with our tour. When he came to London it was fun to catch up and go drinking (quelle surprise.)

During one of our nights we were talking about going away for Paddy’s Day again and he said why not come to see him in Dublin and we could stay at his parents place. Perfect! As we still didn’t earn too much money it was a brilliant plan to get some cheap flights over to Ireland on Ryanair and keep all our play money for just that. No need to pay for accommodation. So we did it…booked our flights and Paddy’s Day ’04 was not long away.

However; the week before we were due to go we emailed Mo (pre Facebook days) to ask for his address and to let him know what time we were arriving. He replied saying he was looking forward to seeing us but we wouldn’t be able to stay at his parent’s house anymore as it was already a little overcrowded since his sister had just had a baby. Cue meltdown from Laura and me.

A quick search online and our suspicions were confirmed that all hostels, B&B’s and cheap hotels were booked up long ago and our options were looking pretty slim. It was either pay a fortune (which we didn’t have) or stay miles out of the centre and pay a fortune on cabs (which we didn’t have) to and from the city. It was looking like we may have had to cancel our trip when the Irish Gods looked down on us in the form of Laura’s housemate. She had recently started a job at Gulliver’s Travels and they were allowed to give family and friends rates on the hotels they worked with. After a quick check she got us an awesome rate at the Temple Bar Hotel. So our trip was back on and we would be staying in the centre of town in a nice hotel that included breakfast! As a young traveller this prospect was immensely exciting.

We arrived in Dublin late as we had just travelled straight to the airport after work. I had been to Dublin before with my parents to celebrate my Mum’s 50th birthday so I had seen “the sights” but I knew that this trip would be a little different! We actually had a sensible night with just a couple of drinks before adjourning to bed. Sunrise arrived and it was the break of another St Paddy’s Day. We enjoyed our Irish breakfast and decided to start the day by watching the parade. I must be honest that we were a little nervous about this given how long the NYC one had been. Just imagine how long they might make it when actually in the country that really should be celebrating St Patrick’s Day!

The parade started and it was most definitely much more colourful than the NYC one in that there were floats and many a local dancing club in vibrant costumes. However; after only 30 minutes or so it seemed apparent that the end of the parade was approaching as a large Cinderella style coach was nearing with the “top celebrity” inside to wave at the crowd. As the coach came past us we gained a peak at the much anticipated celebrity inside….Kerry Katona! WTF? For a start she’s not Irish and secondly she isn’t exactly the world’s top celebrity now is she? I suppose she does like a drink and was married to an Irishman at the time so perhaps that’s why she got the job?

But that was it. The parade had finished after only 40 minutes. The Irish certainly knew what the day was about. A quick parade and then everyone head off to the pub. Well, when in Rome (Dublin) we thought we better join in.

In a similar pattern to New York we went to a place for lunch once we had met Mo. We slightly upgraded this year and went to a Mexican Restaurant where it was actually table service. I know…how upmarket were we now that we had a job?!  We had some wine with dinner in order to not let down the locals with the “eating is cheating” rule and then we were off. En route to our first pub we stopped to have shamrocks painted onto our cheeks as well as buying some hats to let the public firmly know we were celebrating St Paddy’s. I was amazed we actually got Mo (a local) to join in this part and pose for pictures at the Ha’penny Bridge. Perhaps he was hoping he would just look like a tourist with a very convincing way of portraying an Irishman (i.e. with red hair and a perfect accent.) Our first pub point of call was The Temple Bar. It is one of the busiest bars in Dublin and today was absolutely packed. We managed to find a space where we could have some Guinness and Cider whilst listening to some of the classic songs that get played hour after hour such as Whisky in the Jar and Danny Boy. Another University friend was working in Dublin and she had said she would be in town to come and meet us for a few drinks. She came to meet us in the pub and as a sober person entering the bar in midafternoon her first words were “it smells of wet dog in here.” Now that’s a sign of a busy exciting bar especially since there were no dogs in there. This was also just before the smoking ban in public places came in so if it smelt like that even with smoke masking the body aromas then Lord only knows what it would have been like without it!

We had a few more drinks and then decided it was time to go back upmarket and head to Buster’s bar which was actually attached to our hotel. I had heard that Dublin bouncers were strict and this was the point where they demonstrated it perfectly. We got to the front of the queue (which in itself is ridiculous having to queue for your own hotel bar) and the bouncer said to me that I was a little drunk and we should queue up again. Rather ridiculously we actually queued up again and this time upon reaching the front Mo was told he wasn’t coming in as he had a football shirt on. Denied.
Not to be downtrodden we made our way to another traditional bar where more Guinness was consumed and we slagged off the bouncer and told each other we would be complaining to the hotel manager in the morning. This complaint did not take place and was most definitely a conversation that can be placed into the “I was talking bollocks” box and left there forever.  Then it was onwards to The George which was a gay club (could this be a theme appearing for where we ended St Paddy’s nights) before adjourning for a little night cap in the resident’s bar in the hotel.

We were awoken the next morning with the cleaner trying to get in the room to which she apologised when she realized we were still in bed. Laura then asked what time it was in a slightly panicked fashion. When I told her it was only 10am she was massively relieved; not because we may have missed check out but because she thought we may have missed breakfast!
Post fry up we went out to the city and opted to see the city via the Viking Splash Tour. This was an amphibious vehicle so it would include a bus tour around town as well as a river cruise. Perfect as it meant we could do both without moving too much. However; when boarding the vehicle we were all given a Viking helmet to wear. Pretty funky we thought until the guide told us we had to yell like barbarians at any rival bus tours that went past. OMG. How uncool was that? We opted not to yell too much and blamed our lack of involvement on a hangover. I have no shame in saying that the highlight of the tour for me was definitely going to the street where the Spice Girls filmed the video for their song “Stop”. Spice Girls = awesome and you know it.

We finished our day wandering through Trinity College, St Stephen’s Green and visiting Molly Malone before heading to the airport for a late night Ryanair flight back to London. It was an amazing trip and was the point we decided that St Paddy’s would be an annual holiday for us for evermore.

Chapter 4: London

In 2005 we were deciding where to celebrate our now annual holiday and it came to a choice between Edinburgh and London.  Edinburgh would have been a more expensive trip as we would need somewhere to stay.  I had also recently read that the famous song “It’s a long way to Tipperary” was in fact not about the town in Ireland but about the oldest pub in London called The Tipperary. It is said that soldiers in WW1 used to sing the song longing for the day they would be back home and able to drink in the pub.

So we decided on London. Even though it was our home time we took some days off work and were going to make a “trip” of it. There is something about having time off when you are still at home that makes it quite exciting. I find you finish work in the knowledge that you are off home without the need to get up in the morning at your usual time and you can feel secretly smug about it.

So Paddy’s Day came round and we met up for a fry up at our local café to line our stomachs. Still in our mid-twenties the main aim of the day would be to get shitfaced so we needed to prepare our bodies for what we were about to put them through. We made our way into central London via a few shops to buy green nail varnish and hair mascara in order to fully accessorize for the day. It was a lovely sunny day so we stopped for a sit down in Somerset House prior to heading to the pub (partly so that we didn’t arrive at the pub a minute before 12:01 for our fist pint.)

Arriving at the pub we ordered our first drink and got a table upstairs by the window. It was a wonderful pub and happened to also be celebrating its 400th birthday that same year. We painted our nails and coloured our hair whilst talking about all the things that are important at the age of 24 (i.e. men, Big Brother as well as other high level subjects that Heat magazine reported on.)

A few drinks in and the pub had started to become quite busy with us occupying a prime spot. We were sat on a table that could comfortably sit a few more so we invited an older Australian couple over to sit with us. They were really fun and were in the UK as part of their extended travels in Europe. We shared stories of where we had all travelled to and gave them a few other tips about where to go in London and elsewhere in Europe before heading back to Oz. They were also waiting for their niece who lived in London to finish work and join them for a drink. When she arrived we had managed to share quite a lot of Guinness with her Aunt and Uncle and painted her Aunt’s fingernails green and colour her uncles beard a lovely shade of emerald too. A little shocked at their appearance she joined us for some drinks as well although what was discussed does now start to become a little hazy for me.

I love days in the pub when you find new buddies and for those few hours you are inseparable friends although I can’t even remember their names now despite the lovely afternoon we spent together. Of course I would recognise them and have actually seen the niece once since as well. I was walking through Hammersmith about 2/3 years later and saw a lady walking towards me whom I thought I recognised. Only as I passed her (without her clocking me) did I realise it was the girl I once met on Paddy’s day. London is a small village after all!

So having spent around 6 hours in The Tipperary we decided now would be a good time to venture out elsewhere. We walked out of the pub and along the river Thames only to be tempted into the doors of the Walkabout at Temple. At the age I am writing this I would probably judge someone if they asked me to join them for a night out in the Walkabout but again at age 24 it was a perfectly suitable venue for a catch up, a date, somewhere to talk bollocks or simply a place to down pints and dance. So there we were with 6 hours of alcohol in us and the rest of the pub was just post work and on their first drink. Chatting to a few people we had a quick dance and then it was off to Covent Garden for a few more and a chance to slur at some of our own work colleagues who were in the pub. Highlight of the pub was bumping into someone wearing the same green t-shirt as me. Cue massive excitement (from me) as we got our photo together before he left and no doubt had thoughts about never wearing that t-shirt again just in case he ran into me.

So as the night went on and even the people who had only started to drink post work decided to make their way for the last tube home Laura and I were contemplating our next move and as habit had started to suggest all roads lead to a gay club. So there it was. We spent the rest of the night dancing in G-A-Y to cheesy music. We had strategically arranged to stay at Laura’s place that night (well morning by the time we got home) as it was at the end of a night bus route so if (when) we fell asleep on the bus home we wouldn’t have far to venture when the driver woke us up. It was a marvellous day.

The next day was hangover free and offered more sunshine. I never get board of taking walks along the Thames in central London so we walked from Embankment all the way up to Tower Bridge. We had never been up to the viewing platforms of the bridge so ticket in hand we went up to enjoy the marvellous view. It’s great being able to stand in the middle of the river and see all the way along the greatest city in the world. Only a few months later Laura and I would be back at the top of Tower Bridge having won a Visit London competition to see the band Texas play an intimate gig at the top. A real treat to be at the first (and to my knowledge the only) gig at the top of one of the most iconic bridges in the world.

So there you have it….that’s how we “did” St. Patrick’s Day in our home town.

Chapter 5: Barcelona

The following year we had started to think about what we would like to do and feeling a little more flush (yet still limited to what flights were on offer via easyJet and Ryanair)  we were toying with either Basel or Barcelona. Little knowledge of Basel we opted for Barcelona in the hope that as well as culture it may also afford us some winter sun.

This time we had a few extras joining us in the form of my sister and her boyfriend, two University friends (Claire and Nicola) and my boyfriend Steven. Laura and I briefed the others that in accordance with our holiday rules we would be drinking the majority of the 17th March and each person must bring something green to wear on the day. The night before we stayed at my parents’ house in Bishop’s Stortford since it was only a 15 minute car journey from Stansted Airport where our cheap and orange flights were due to depart at 7am.

We arrived in Barcelona and the sun was indeed shining. We went for some Paella al fresco prior to checking into our hotel just off Las Ramblas. Claire and Nicola were flying directly from Newcastle and were arriving a little later but met us at the hotel. Las Ramblas has a reputation as one of the rifest pick pocketing areas in the world and to solidify this Claire had her glasses stolen from her bag in the short walk from the metro station to the hotel. Fortunately it was not her purse.

Nevertheless we enjoyed the afternoon walking about the city before adjourning to the hotel to get ready for dinner that night. Steven and I decided to opt for a very late siesta but made the grave error of not setting an alarm on the off chance that we didn’t arise at the required hour to meet everyone for pre-dinner cocktails. Only when my phone rang with the others questioning our whereabouts did we wake up and have a scrambled 5 minutes to get ready before heading down to the bar. A few cocktails later we were looking for somewhere to eat. As can sometimes be an issue as a larger group we were trying to find somewhere with a large enough table to seat all of us. As we went into one place he said the restaurant was full but to wait a second. He came back out and said that they had a long table next to the open kitchen and we could sit there if we wanted. It was pretty cool and a nice way to sit together and watched the controlled craziness of the kitchen churn out meal after meal. On the table they also had plates of nachos that were topped with sweet chili sauce. A topping not often associated with this dish but one I would recommend.

The next day and Paddy’s Day was upon us. We dressed in green and met up for some breakfast. We had decided to spend the morning going to Parc Guell to look at some of the Gaudi works. Perhaps this was a sign we were getting older (and wiser?) as we didn’t head straight for the local watering hole. The park is absolutely stunning not only from the Gaudi artwork but also because of the fantastic views across the city. As the crowds point out it is a must see when in the city. On subsequent visits to the city I have been early in the morning when it is less busy and your experience is heightened even more. Definitely try it out; after all you are in Spain so can have a siesta in the afternoon to make up for the lost hours of sleep in the morning! For lunch we decided to grab a sandwich and sit in the park before heading back into the centre of town. My sister and Claire were sat facing me when they both developed a slightly perplexed look on their faces before saying in unison to me “There’s your friend Toni from University.” I looked up and could see her walking away so ran after her to say hello.

She had also been on our course and I had lived with her during our second year so it was a real treat to see her again. She was on holiday with her family (whom I had also met when I went to stay with them in Norway during the summer of our first year) so it was also nice to see them again too. I love that about travelling that no matter how big we think the world is you can run into someone unexpectedly. We arranged to meet Toni later on for some Paddy’s Day drinks.

So back into town we went and made our way to a café in a square just off Las Ramblas. The idea had been to get a bit of early dinner in the form of tapas and to have a couple of drinks. What we didn’t know at the time was that this was to turn into an 8 hour session with us not leaving our seats apart from visiting the bathroom. I blame this entirely on the fact that it was 3 Euros for a bottle of cava. We just kept ordering bottle after bottle with us getting louder and louder to the point when Toni rang me to ask where we were to come and meet us I responded by saying “we are in a crappy café.” Nice.

At about 10pm we thought we should really move on and so went to another couple of bars in the area (including the token Irish one where if you drink enough Guinness they give you a hat.) The end of the night has vacated itself from my memory but I do remember Laura coming back from the toilets saying she’d been sick and us thinking that perhaps it was time for us to go home!
Another successful Paddy’s celebration let to a little more subdued celebrations the following day with us again taking in more sights and opting for a spot of lunch on the beach. On our last day we took a nice long walk up “Olympic hill” in order to see the fantastic diving pool where recently Kylie had filmed her latest video. The pool itself was locked so we couldn’t really see in but again on a more recent trip to Barcelona I was lucky to attend the World Diving Championships men’s synchronized final at the pool and could see it being used in all its glory. We topped of the trip with another tapas meal in the old town before boarding the orange bullet back to Stansted.

On a subsequent trip to Barcelona I really enjoyed heading up Mount Tibidabo and to the old fun fair at the top. My ventures up the mountain were inspired after reading The Shadow of the Winds. If only our Paddy’s Day trip had been a little more cultured I definitely would have taken the rest of the group up here as it is one of the best places in the city in my opinion. At least the city was not too far away from London for me to enjoy more visits and not spend 8 hours in a café drinking (although that was fun too!)

Chapter 6: Copenhagen & Malmo

After a successful Barcelona trip Laura and I were fully engaged in our Paddy’s day adventures and had decided on two things:

1)  We would go on our annual trip even when we are in our 70s
2) On the 10th anniversary (2012) we would go to Chicago for Paddy’s Day

The reason behind the introduction of goal number two was because we had read that in Chicago they dye the river green as part of the St. Patrick’s Day parade and festivities and it would also be the perfect base for us then to drive Route 66 (the mother of all roads) across the US to L.A. post Paddy’s Day festival. A very exciting prospect that could only be stalled by one tiny detail – neither of us could drive. Oh well – we still had 6 years to learn and pass our test before we needed to have a licence so there would be plenty of time for that!

For Laura’s Christmas present in 2006 I actually bought her the flights for our next Paddy’s day trip the following March. No consultation had taken place as to where we would be going! I gave her the print out of the flights inside a copy of Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid thinking it was an obvious connection but it seems that not everybody has a wider knowledge of the origins of the fairy tale writer like I did. However; after a quick explanation that I wasn’t just insulting her by saying that the book was of the level of reading I thought she was and we were both excited to be spending Paddy’s Day in Denmark.

In the summer of 2007 I was also planning to do the London-Paris bike ride raising funds for Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital. In order to raise the rather large amount that was required I decided to hold an event and theme it around St. Patrick’s Day. So the week before the actual big day I had hired The Toucan pub in central London and sold tickets to friends and family for £20 each. Included in the ticket was a pint of Guinness (or equivalent if you were not partial to the black stuff) and a present which came in the form of a lottery ticket for that week. Yes; secretly I was praying nobody won that week or if they did I would have been expectant that they would have shared some of the winnings with me? Getting ready for the party I bought a shirt at lunch time and didn’t even have time to try it on. I had always been a medium so just picked up my size and off I went. I left work a little early to setup for the party and then went to change and put my new attire on to the shock that it would not do up. OMG. Clearly a few too many pints of Guinness were being consumed and whilst I could say that I was full of iron I was also filling out over the edge of my jeans waistline. Luckily there was a button missing from the shirt so I could say to a friend to quickly run to the shop which was just around the corner and take it back due to said missing button…oh and when they offer to exchange it please get me one size larger. Fully dressed in the appropriate size the party kicked off. People were really enjoying it and the raffle I put on added even more funds to those raised by the ticket sales and the night finished suitably hammered in an underground cheesy club called The Roxy. I love that club and was even more impressed that my parents outlasted some of my friends on the dance floor!

So fully in the St. Patrick’s mood Laura and I set off the following week to Copenhagen. Neither of us had been before and were excited to explore the city. We quickly found that it is one of the most wonderful cities (coincidence that the tourist board is called Wonderful Copenhagen?) in Europe for a city break.  The statues of The Little Mermaid and Hans Christian Anderson are lovely to see but we enjoyed nothing more than sitting in a café on the harbour in Nyhavn (under a blanket) watching the world go by whilst eating an open sandwich (smorrebrod.)  I even spotted an old colleague from work proving that Mickey Mouse was right and it is a small world after all.

On St. Patrick’s Day itself we had read that you could get the train over the extremely long bridge to Malmo in Sweden meaning we could spend the day in two countries which was exciting. We got the train and 15 minutes later we were in Sweden. Malmo is a nice city and has the very impressive rotating tower block which would not look out of place amongst the Dubai skyline. After an hour or so in the town we headed back to Copenhagen in order to start the drinking.

Of course without fail we found various Irish pubs serving Guinness and rammed full of locals (surprisingly) downing pints and munching on a bowl of dubious looking Irish stew. We sampled the stew and thought that we would leave it and opt for a more nourishing meal back at one of the restaurants on our beloved harbour. Could it be that we were growing up and didn’t just want to get hammered? Eating is cheating after all right?

None the less we enjoyed a lovely meal and some more beers back on Nyhavn which was a lot more sedate that the Irish pubs in town.

The following day we took a boat tour around the canals and followed it up with a very lengthy walk to find Hans Christian Anderson’s grave. I am pretty sure Laura was beginning to wish she had never heard of him by the 40th minute of walking around a cemetery to find it but it was worthwhile once we got there. It is a well-kept impressive headstone and felt special to be so near to the spirit of the man who wrote the greatest fairy tales that have ever been penned (in my opinion.)

So to date it was definitely the most sober St. Patrick’s Day but was a lovely visit to a fantastic city and was the first time we had been to two countries throughout the day.

P.S. Laura and I could both not drive at this point.

Chapter 7: Jersey
So 2007 posed two tasks:

1)  Choose were to celebrate in 2008
2)  Learn to drive

First question was answered pretty quickly when I had seen an email from the airline bmi advertising discounted flights from London to Jersey. I had not been there before and whilst it wasn’t far away from the UK mainland I had read brilliant things about the island regarding its natural beauty and the ability to do many adventure sports there. So after a short email exchange between Laura and I we were booked to head off to the UK Channel Islands to live a tax free lifestyle for 4 days.

Following the successful St. Patricks’ themed fundraising party in the previous chapter I had unfortunately been knocked off my bike in the last weeks of training for the bike ride and was off work for a total of around 8 weeks recovering from two operations to repair my now mangled elbow. 

Once I was fixed I returned to work and realised that during the extended time off I still was accruing holidays and therefore needed to use them by the end of March. Perfect for my Paddy’s day trip but I had that many I still needed to use another week up before then. What do to?

Idea flash – do an intensive driving course learning to drive in a mere week and thus achieve goal number two and have us well on the way to achieving the 10 year anniversary Route 66 trip. After fairly little research online I found that intensive driving courses were in abundance in Blackpool. I am not entirely sure why. I guess hotels in the winter need to fill up somehow and the roads are not so busy so it makes a nice and fairly cheap environment for the non-driver.  So I signed up to go in mid-February for the week. Upon arrival at my hotel in Blackpool the friendly manager said that I was the first of the drivers to arrive which was a good job as looking at how tall I was he was not sure I would be able to fit into the room they had assigned to me. I know I am tall but how small exactly was the room? He quickly moved me into a larger room which was perfectly adequate accept that the heating didn’t work and I am pretty sure there was actually condensation on the outside of the window. The manager then furnished the room with a plug in heater so all was good. I spent the first afternoon in the Sea Life centre as it was too cold to be outside and soon also discovered that there is a serious lack of eating establishments in Blackpool outside of fish and chip / kebab shops. That evening was the first spent dining in Frankie and Benny’s which then became a nightly tradition for the entire week.  I went to bed quite nervous of what lay ahead for my first day of lessons; after all I hadn’t even sat behind the wheel of a car ever (well apart from when your parents trust you to sit in the car whilst they dash into the supermarket for something and you sit in the driver’s seat and pretend to drive until the steering wheel locks and you jump back into your seat before they return terrified that you have broken the family car.)

The setup for my lessons was that I was to be paired with another non-driver and we would do our lessons all day together with the same instructor. We would do a 40 minute turn driving and then swap over with the theory being that we would be able to learn from the other person’s mistakes whilst we were sat in the back. My driving buddy Chloe was a 17 year old from Sheffield who only had one outfit for the entire week versus my entire backpack of clothes. Now I may like to change clothes a lot but one tracksuit for the entire week? Bitch please! None the less she was a nice girl and we both seemed to progress at the same level (although her saying “get in” every time she got a maneuver right did start to grate a little.) At the end of the week the instructor said that we were good enough to be put in for a test but it would be 50/50 as to whether we would pass because of nerves. 

So we faced the option of either doing the test or rather than spending the last day at test centres etc we could have an extra 6 hours of lessons and then do our test when we got back home. I opted for the latter. Chloe threw a 17 year old strop and opted to head straight home (in the same clothes that she arrived in.)

So I returned to London able to drive to a good level and then continued with a weekly lesson until a test date came up (an agonizing three month wait for a date!) I wasn’t successful on my first or second attempt but as the saying goes I was third time lucky. They say all the best drivers pass third time right? So there we are….I was now ready for Route 66 and it was now Laura’s turn to learn to drive.

So onto Jersey it was. It was a very relaxing journey to head out to Heathrow for the 20 minutes flight part way across the channel (on a tiny plane.) We arrived and went to our hotel in St. Aubin which had great views along the beach towards St. Helier. After checking in we made our way on a long walk along the beach all the way to town where we picked up information of what to do on the island as well as hiring bikes for the rest of our trip. We cycled back to the hotel and feeling uber healthy went for dinner in a pub in the village where we were staying later finding out that it was the pub which featured in the TV series Bergerac. Just like being in Hollywood eh?  

The next day we had arranged to go blow karting on a large beach on the other side of the island. The weather looked nice outside so in combats and a hoodie we set off cycling around the coast towards said beach. We stopped at some amazing views and went past a fantastic lighthouse. At this point we got some great photos as the waves started to become quite large and create a dramatic effect against the building and rocks. Should have been a warning sign of things to come. We arrived at the beach and saw three people unloading the karts on the beach so we locked up our bikes and went over. We had assumed that all three worked with the company as they knew what they were doing so we let them setup our karts. It then transpired that there was only one instructor and the others were also paying customers who had just got stuck in and helped out. Oops. So looking like the lazy city slickers we then stood awaiting instruction of how to drive the things whilst it then started to rain heavily. The young, outdoorsy fit instructor asked us what we were planning to wear for the session and simply gave a half laugh / half smile when we looked at what we were wearing to say “this.” So into the karts we went and started zooming around the beach. It was super fun and being that low to the sand and reaching high speeds was really exhilarating. After about 20 minutes though the rain and wind had really picked up and it was true to say we were soaked to the bone in our very non waterproof attire. We re-grouped next to the instructor and he agreed it was time we called it a day. 

He said we didn’t need to pack up and could head back to our hotel to get warm. “Where did you park your car” he queried. “Oh, we don’t have a car. We cycled here.” Cue more laughter from him as he knew we would have to make the hour long cycle back to our hotel. Picking up our bikes it made no matter at all that the seats were soaking as my trousers were already like they were fresh out of the washing machine (in fact not that dry even) so on we went facing the elements to our hotel. The one conversation we had on the road home was that once we got back to the hotel we would have afternoon tea in the restaurant that overlooked the coast. Home, showered and dry we enjoyed what turned out to be a bloody good afternoon tea!

The next day was St. Patrick’s Day and not to be put off by the day before we had decided to cycle around the other side of the island to see Gory Castle and another lighthouse at St. Katherine’s. This year I decided to paint my face like the Irish flag and Laura went for shamrocks on her face. All made up we were ready for our road trip (albeit via somewhat of a different mode of transport to what we would be doing on Route 66.) We had a fantastic day stopping in some villages for drinks, food and to take photos. Jersey is a truly beautiful island and is under indexed when it comes to places you should visit before you die. In the evening we went to another great place for dinner (once we had watched the Dancing on Ice final) called The Boathouse in St. Aubin where we enjoyed fresh mussels and of course a few pints of the black stuff. Truly exhausted from all the cycling we returned to our room meaning that this was most definitely the most sober Paddy’s Day we had ever experienced.

In the morning we had a note at reception when we were checking out from someone who had been staying in the hotel who had recognised me from our school days in Belgium (many years before.) She had been too nervous to come up and ask me but checked at the hotel if there was anyone under my name. Alas she had already checked out so we missed each other but another nice story about how travelling the world can indeed through up some familiar faces in unexpected places.

Before heading to the airport (by taxi and not bike) we had arranged to re-meet the previous said fit instructor for some abseiling. I had not done abseiling before and whilst I am somewhat of an adrenaline junkie I was nervous about it as I still didn’t feel that my arm was very strong since the biking accident the year before. Laura had done it before and executed her first abseil with precision and confidence. Then it was my turn. I found it very hard to let myself fall back because I felt like I was not secure or strong enough to hold myself (even though the rope does that for you.) I climbed back over to have a word with myself and then gave it one more go. I made it and Laura got some good pictures of me where it looks like I had had no worries prior to going over the edge. Laura did a couple more whilst I opted to bask in the glory of having done one. Heading back to town I commented to Dave (AKA fit instructor) that I had enjoyed that to which both he and Laura laughed out loud (or LOLd if I am to be trendy.) Cheeky bastards!

Dave suggested we go for a drink and a snack at St. Brelade bay which was a fantastic recommendation. We sat overlooking a perfect sunset over the beach for a last drink before heading to the airport for the long haul flight of 18 minutes back to LHR.   

P.S. Laura still needs to learn to drive.

Chapter 8: Zurich & Liechtenstein

Another year was rolling round and it was time to decide what to get Laura for her Christmas present. 

Unfortunately Laura’s job had been made redundant in September 2008 and at the current time she was temping whilst trying to find another role within the travel industry. With that in mind we hadn’t discussed what we would do for Paddy’s Day as holidays themselves were clearly not the priority. So I thought why not book the trip for her. So I bought her return flights to Zurich. This would be the first time for both of us in Switzerland. I also planned to drive us (that’s right…me driving now) to the glamorous airport at Luton as our flight was at some unearthly hour of the day.

When it came to booking a hotel we decided to keep it to a budget as we had read that Switzerland itself was expensive so we would prefer to keep our spending money. We opted for the Zic Zac Rock Hotel which was a cross between a hostel and a budget hotel. We booked a private room (with a shared bathroom) but the exciting part was that each room was focused around a different rock star. On the journey over to Zurich we were talking about which rock star room would we be in. Guns N’ Roses? Metallica? Bon Jovi? Upon check in we were sorely disappointed to be informed we were in fact to stay in the Joe Cocker room. Really? Is that the most impressive rock star they could muster? Inside the room itself it was pretty plain with two murals of Mr. Cocker himself. Impressive. A quick giggle and we then were off to explore town.

Zurich itself was a lot smaller and town like than I had expected it to be. Centered on a beautiful river (as most cities are) it really felt like a lovely alpine place. The views from the hill across the city are stunning and it’s nice there is a playground at the top of the hill for the kids to play. May I take this opportunity to recommend the swings as a new way of taking in the vista. We walked a lot stopping for some local food and drink and even discovered a bar that was themed around an airline. We loved it that much we decided that we would have a party for New Year’s Eve and theme it as an airline too (albeit on a much smaller scale.) Having researched the price of how much it is to hire actual airline seats our guests were going to have to make do with the sofa!

On our second day in Switzerland we had decided to venture further afield and had booked a day trip to take us to Lucerne as well as Mount Titlis. We set off early and our group was very small consisting of another couple and 4 American dancers who were on tour in Europe (well that’s what we gathered from eavesdropping anyway.) Our first stop on the way to Lucerne was to see the crying lion stone sculpture. The lion is carved out of the cliff face and was completed in the 1800s to commemorate those lost in the French Revolution. It is an impressive site to see and one of the more unusual war memorials I have ever witnessed. Heading into Lucerne itself was beautiful. Although we only had about an hour there is was a gorgeous place to walk and take in the sights. The wooden bridge across the river is beautiful as is the castle overlooking the town. Rumour has it Michael Jackson once tried to buy the castle but was rebuffed (hurrah scream the parents of Lucerne.) 

Travelling on we then made our way to the foot of Mount Titlis. We took the cable car up to the top of the mountain which was absolutely spectacular. The cable car revolves as well, meaning you get complete 360 degree of the mountain as you ascend. Reaching the summit the views were like nothing I had seen before. I have never been on a skiing holiday so being atop snow covered peaks was a new thing for me. We walked along the rim of the mountain watching the various snowboarders and skiers flying past us down the mountain. We then made our way round to where they were offering snow tubing (essentially like a waterslide but on ice.) The funniest moment was as we descended a fairly small hill towards the queue for the tubes and Laura realised she was wearing knee high boots that were uber fashionable but perhaps not so useful on snow and ice. I have a lovely picture of her struggling down the hill holding onto a rope for dear life. Can you tell we live in the city we wondered?!  Safely on a rubber ring we enjoyed several goes of snow tubing before it was time for us to go back down the mountain to return to Zurich. On the way down in the cable car we happened to comment that we found it strange that so many people skiing down the mountain were not wearing helmets. Weirdly upon our return to the hotel that night one of the news headlines was that the actress Natasha Richardson had fallen whilst skiing and had died as a result of her head injuries. Spooky timing.

After that adventurous day we had decided that Paddy’s Day should consist of Guinness, a cheese fondue and a little trip to Liechtenstein. This would be the second time we would venture to two countries on the one day. We went to the main train station and said we ideally wanted to get there about lunchtime. Luckily there was a train that got us there about midday which was perfect. The lady serving us then said do you want to get the 1pm train home (i.e. 1 hour after we arrived.) Slightly puzzled we said that we wanted at least a few hours there and could we not get a later train. She obliged and booked us on one returning a massive three hours after our arrival but warned us that there was nothing to do in Liechtenstein.  We accepted her words but we were sure that if we could spend 2 hours in the Finnish town of Nokia (where there literally is nothing to do) then we could survive for three hours in one of the smallest countries on the planet. The train journey was very scenic and before you knew it we were in another country. First point of call was the post office where you could pay 3 EUR to have your passport stamped to prove you had been to Liechtenstein. 

Like all tourists we queued up to do this even more excited that ours would have 17th March as the stamp date. Fully inked we then walked up the hillside to view the castle where the Royal Family lived. Who knew there was a Royal Family from Liechtenstein? Not me. It was a lovely castle and we stopped to have a nice spot of lunch in a café that afforded lovely views of the countryside. Post lunch we walked around to the local winery and vineyards where we learnt about the local wine and again were surprised to find that they produced their own wine at all. With 45 minutes to spare before our train home we stopped at the bar next to the winery with the intention of having a glass of local vino. I ordered a glass of the local red, “sorry we don’t have any sir” was the response. I’ll have a glass of the local rose then, “sorry we don’t have any left sir” was the familiar response. Ok then I’ll have a glass of the local white I asked, “sorry we have none of the local wine left.” Were they kidding?! They were right next door to the place that made and sold it! Defeated I had to opt for a beer. Still refreshing and would set me up for the night I thought. We headed back to Zurich and went straight out for a cheese fondue. Rookie mistake was that we ordered one each as we thought it would be nice to try two different types of cheeses. The atmosphere in the restaurant was cozy and the fondues tasted divine but it transpires that yes you can overdose on cheese and one fondue would have been sufficient. Stuffed to the brim we went to a bar around the corner from our rock hotel for a couple of pints which now filled our bellies to busting point. A combination of the over indulgence and the fact that is was 10 EUR a pint meant we called it a night fairly early on.

All too soon the trip was coming to an end but not before one last drink. We had read in the airline magazine that there was a bar at the end of the runaway at Zurich airport set inside a vintage plane. We couldn’t leave without a visit to this splendid bar (all research purposes of course for our upcoming airline New Year party) before heading back to London.

P.S. I drove us home from Luton and Laura is still yet to learn to drive.

Chapter 9: Mauritius

Not long after our return from our Swiss adventure Laura secured a job working at Virgin Holidays. 

She was pleased to be working back in the travel industry with the added bonus that one of her perks would be being able to travel on standby on Virgin Atlantic. Essentially this would mean that we would be able to travel for a very minimal fare to far flung places (since Virgin Atlantic didn’t even fly anywhere in Europe.) Before even fully settling into her role we started to talk about what to do for our annual jaunt and where we should travel on standby. Immediately we both settled on Tokyo. Japan was a place that we had both wanted to visit for a long time but flights there had always been very expensive so this seemed like it was going to be a perfect way to get there on a budget. Laura had access to the flight system which allowed her to check how many seats were left available and thus how likely it would be that we would be able to get on the flight. All was looking good up until about 1.5 weeks before we had planned to travel. Seats were filling quick and fast showing that it was a business route and many people were clearly booking last minute trips. How dare they?! Only a couple of days before we were due to travel the flights were now overbooked so it seemed unlikely that we would be able to go to Tokyo this time. That’s the nature of standby travel so we couldn’t really throw a hissy fit (well maybe just a small one) and onto finding somewhere on the Virgin Atlantic network that had availability it was. We started our search at North America but found all these routes were full too. We looked at South Africa but that was proving problematic too. Then Laura checked Mauritius and it was looking pretty empty. Perfect! Since I first heard of Mauritius (when it was the star prize on game show Going for Gold) I had always wanted to go so I was very excited when Laura mentioned the prospect. So a mere 48 hours before take-off we booked ourselves onto the flight and started searching for a hotel. It was exciting to be planning such a last minute trip; particularly such a long haul one at that. Sunday night rolled around and off we went.

Flying into Mauritius was an awesome sight. As the airport is at the southern end of the island you pretty much fly over the entire island before landing which was fantastic. I only wish I had had my camera on me to take some aerial shots. Upon arrival we experienced that lovely feeling of heat when they opened the aircraft door and we knew we were on a tropical island. Footnote; I am always curious what flavour tropical drinks are? Does anyone know? It is frequently described as a flavour yet surely each drink must taste different based on its maker’s interpretation of tropical? End of footnote! We transferred to the hotel on the northern coast of the island and were completely overwhelmed when we arrived. When selecting the hotel we had opted for a small hotel that was a million times cheaper than the larger and more well-known resorts on the island. We weren’t sure what to expect but being pretty well seasoned travelers we always knew how to deal with a situation if it were not perfect when you are travelling i.e. laugh! I had requested a double bed when booking the hotel as I thought that may have worked in our favour as the hotel may assume we were on our honeymoon and upgrade us to the honeymoon suite; particularly with Mauritius being such a popular post nuptial destination. Upon arrival the property by far exceeded our expectations. It was very small and centered around a small pool which lead down to a private beach. The staff was very welcoming and explained to us that the drinks in the fridge were all complementary including the alcohol. What a steal! We were taken to our room and my plan had paid off in that we had a very large room and the bed and bathroom were decorated beautifully with petals; presumably as they thought we were a couple. We loved it and went along with the “show” as man and wife.

We changed and went straight down to the empty pool for a quick dip and quickly discovered that they were playing underwater music. Brilliant and totally unique. I love swimming underwater but this just added to it. Laura is not so much of a fan of submersion swimming but it made it more amusing for me to see her trying to sink in the pool whilst holding her nose! There were only about 6 rooms in the hotel which meant that it was never busy around the pool or the beach so we could really relax. We walked along the beach which was stunning. One of our favourite things was buying an entire small pineapple that had been peeled and was ready to eat whole. Hard to describe so a picture tells a thousand delicious words:

In the evening we ventured across the street where there were a few restaurants to sample the local creole food as well as a small travel agent. With the trip having been arranged so last minute we hadn’t really researched what we were going to do whilst on the island. After a quick browse through the numerous brochures and leaflets we decided we want to do the Mauritian famous underwater sea walk, a catamaran trip to a nearby island and an eco-walk through the forest. An exciting few days lay ahead!

St. Patrick’s Day was the very next day and was to be the day of the eco-walk in the forest that lay in the centre of the island. It was a beautiful morning so we had dressed in green and donned the flip flops for what was described as a gentle walk. Upon meeting the guide he looked at our chosen footwear and asked if we had anything else to wear. We had packed our trainers just in case but didn’t really want to wear them as they didn’t match our outfits. Reluctantly we put them on and arrived at our starting point after a fairly short bus ride. The rest of our group consisted of one young couple and what we assumed were their parents. The first part of the walk was to cross a river. Sounds easy yes? No! On one side of the river was a small waterfall which was slightly daunting in case you lost your footing (although I often think why do we assume we will fall over when we are by a cliff as we don’t worry about falling over every day?) but the main pain point was the terrain. It was a very rocky river bed and when the guide told us to walk across without shoes on so we could keep them dry nothing prepared us for the slicing pain said rocks would inflict on our little feet (yes…I am only a size 8 shoe despite being 6’3’’ tall.) We attempted to walk across hand in hand and made the grave error of stopping half way across to laugh at the pain we were in which rendered us able to move any further. Laughing we had to make a dash for it across what felt like knives! Phew the hardest bit over surely? Not really. Throughout the walk we were taken through thick bush and up and down ravines through amazing vegetation but it was certainly a lot harder than the brochure made out! We got to try some of the local berries growing along the way and were astounded when we reached a beautiful waterfall that we could swim underneath. Bitten by flies, mosquitoes and a little dirty we arrived back at our hotel having fully enjoyed our “walk”. We dressed for the evening in a new round of green and went to an ocean front bar next to our hotel for some cocktails. This was the first (and only) time that we have not seen an Irish bar or a pint of Guinness on Paddy’s Day. However; we had some lovely green cocktails and the barman was uber friendly and even made us a new cocktail he wanted to try out (it wasn’t good.) Upon leaving there was a tropical storm and as we left lightening stuck a tree just in front of us. We jumped and ran back in the bar petrified to make the short stroll to our hotel. We sat inside for a moment contemplating whether to move and convinced ourselves that lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice so made a run for our room!

On the following day post storm we were due to be doing our underwater sea walk but due to the weather the sea bed had become very murky from the sea bed so it was cancelled. It was a real shame but we were given the opportunity to go parasailing instead which is something I have also always wanted to do. It was great fun and we had a playful speedboat driver who kept dipping us in the sea. 

One day I would like to return to Mauritius and try out the underwater sea walk as it is really unique. That night we enjoyed a fabulous meal on our balcony in the hotel. The hotel against surpassed all expectations when they told us that we could have breakfast and dinner either at the pool or on our balcony. Each morning they set the table up with precision and served delicious food. We had definitely found a real gem in this hotel!

On our final day we made the catamaran trip out to some of the other nearby islands. It was a wonderful sun filled trip and the scenery was just stunning. We enjoyed swimming in the perfectly blue sea and walking on deserted white sand beaches. Many people still kept asking us when we got married….in some ways we should have taken advantage of the situation and just replied with ridiculous stories about where we got married…perhaps in St. Paul’s with a reception at Hampton Court Palace but alas we were too honest and told the truth.

P.S. Laura still needs to learn to drive.

Chapter 10: Hong Kong

Returning from Mauritius we still wanted to go to Japan for our Paddy’s Day trip so we decided that rather than relying on the fate of the standby Gods in 2011 we would just book our flights and then we would be guaranteed to get there.  We found some very reasonable flights on Finnair going via Helsinki and snapped them up. So there we had it…we were finally going to be going to Tokyo. We planned our itinerary which was to also have a few days in Kyoto and we were going to visit Disneyland, Hello Kitty land, eat sushi and do karaoke. All was set in place until 11th March 2011 (5 days before we were due to fly out to Tokyo.) I was in Berlin and awoke in my hotel to the news that there had been a huge earthquake in Japan that had been followed by an enormous tsunami. The images and videos being shown already only a few hours after it happened were devastating and I knew that the death toll would only increase as the hours and days went by. The infrastructure damage was extensive including that caused to the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. One of the reactors was severely damaged and was leaking radioactive waste which forced the government to implement a 20km exclusion zone around the site. As history has taught us at sights like Chernobyl the elements then play their part is the further spread of nuclear particles meaning that there was a risk to other areas in Japan inclusive of the large metropolises.  I have been to visit Chernobyl which still has a 30km exclusion zone 30 years after the accident so travelling to a nuclear accident site one week after the event would be unadvisable to say the least.

I arrived back in London later that day already thinking that we may need to postpone our trip. This was of course nothing compared to what the Japanese people were going through. Laura and I decided to wait a few days to monitor the situation and then see what we should do. By the end of the weekend the Foreign Office were advising against unnecessary travel to Japan and Finnair were also offering a full refund on flights to Tokyo or we could transfer to another Asian route on their network. So for now our trip to Japan was off for a second year running but we opted for the latter option from Finnair and we were now off to Hong Kong for 6 days. We were still excited and then for the second year running we were booking a hotel and planning our trip a mere 48 hours before arriving!

We touched down in Hong Kong in the early evening of St. Patrick’s Day. We made our way to our hotel and after a quick shower and change into something green we headed out for something to eat. Some noodles and an amazing local dish in the form of a sweet pork bun our tummies were lined and we made our way to the party area of town. First stop; an Irish pub for a pint of Guinness. Having had a couple of the black stuff we may our way down a strip of very lively bars and gradually started to feel ourselves dancing with each subsequent drink. We then went to a club which was absolutely heaving with locals and many expatriates. The music was kicking and the drinks were flowing and this was definitely the most drunk we had been on a Paddy’s Day trip for a long time. The youngsters of Hong Kong certainly knew how to party as well as how to pull. Gazing over at the sofa next to us there was a couple not only snogging but with the girl mounted on top of the guy with his hands firmly up her skirt and inside her knickers. Gradually horrified faces started to look at them from every angle until the bouncer went up to ask them to stop. The girl looked at him in a “what of it” kind of expression and I swear you could hear the crowd boo the bouncer due to the fact that he had split up what I hope was a rare sight in the discos of Hong Kong! A fantastic night and fabulous way to kick start our Asian adventure but we called it a night around 3am as it had been a long day to get there via Helsinki.

Our first full day we decided to do the Big Bus open top bus tour in order to get our bearings and to see some of the sights. It turned out they had a deal for a 48 hour ticket which would allow us to see all the major sights, ride the Star Ferry over to Kowloon as well as taking us on a local sampan trip. Brilliant! We started off the main route and were whisked in between the never ending skyscrapers which dominate Hong Kong. It is an amazing city and I don’t think I have been anywhere so compact and busy ever! The bus took us up to the peak where we could see spectacular views of the city below. One of my favourite photo stops I have been to. Our love of the Hong Kong food continued that night as we rode the longest set of escalators to a street where we had fantastic dumplings. As touristy as it probably was to do that we had a fun night. The food in Hong Kong was fantastic not only in the restaurants we visited but also the night market which despite selling a lot of tat had some great fresh (i.e. still alive when you ordered) options.

The following day we took advantage of our bus tickets and took the bus tour out to Stanley which was interesting but didn’t quite have the buzz of central Hong Kong. We wandered around the market spotting what I swear are the biggest t-shirts I have ever seen on sale. Some were labelled XXXXL and was gigantic. Funny to take a picture of but less amusing the fact that there must be people who actually require this size to fit into. On our way back to town we were then told we could alight the bus and take our sampan tour. Not wanting to waste any part of our ticket we did so even though we appeared to be next to an industrial harbour which was surround by some of the biggest apartment blocks I have seen (large things seemed to be a theme on this trip.) A local lady beckoned us into her sampan and took us around the harbour for about 15 minutes. Glancing at Laura I couldn’t help but laugh as her face said it all….why are we on a tour of a manky harbour like this?! After the aquatic adventure we got the bus back to central Hong Kong in order to take another water adventure which this time was impressive. The Star Ferry took us across the harbour to Kowloon. The views back to the city are fantastic and photo opportunities are made even better by the traditional junks on the water which make you really feel like you are in the Far East. We walked along the front on Kowloon and were heading back to the ferry just in time for the illuminations which happen every night. It was amazing to see this happen in a city surrounded by real life. Usually these things only seem to happen in theme parks so this was a totally unique experience.     

Speaking of theme parks the next day we decided to head to Hong Kong Disneyland. The morning was again beautifully sunny so dressed in shorts and t-shirts we jumped on the specific Disney line on the metro to reach the park. Being a week day the par itself was pretty empty and within the first 30 minutes we had been on Space Mountain twice! As the morning progressed the clouds draw in and the temperature dropped. In a bid to stay warm we purchased Disney character hats which worked surprisingly well. Funniest moment was when we queued up to meet Alice from Alice in Wonderland. We had assumed that she would have seen two grown adults in Disney hats (without a child) and thought here is the perfect moment to have a bit of adult conversation but she was totally in character and was asking us had we seen a white rabbit and she could not find him. Shocked we weren’t sure what to reply and I am pretty sure our response was as imaginative as “no…we haven’t seen one.” How fun were we to play with?! That night we returned to our favourite area of town for nightlife and sampled yet more cocktails whilst mixing with locals and the many English people who were either living there or on holiday too. Favourite moment of the evening was Laura talking to an English expatriate who asked her if she was on a “piss-up holiday” to which she replied that if that were her goal would she travel so far from London simply for bars. In response to her I did say that to be fair to him we had been hammered in the same bars every night since we arrived although in our defense we were making the most of the sights in the days too! It was during this night that we also drunkenly said to each other how much we loved China and should do a long weekend in Shanghai in the summer to make use of the Virgin standby flights again. A drunken suggestion you may think but we stayed true to our word and did exactly that trip the following summer. Shanghai = awesome too!

On one of our last days we had booked to go on a deserted beach walk. This was something I had not considered was something you could do in Hong Kong before. Most people seem to stop in the city for two days on their way to somewhere else in Asia or Australia so I had not heard of anyone doing this before. We met you guide in the city centre and travelled with him on the metro out to the area where we started our walk. The weather was fantastic and the beaches were indeed deserted. It was absolutely fantastic and a real change from the bustling city centre. We stopped at a local café for some great food at lunch time and then walked back over the hills seeing amazing views across the see. It was just perfect and something I would highly recommend to anyone visiting the city.

Upon our return to the city we had planned to visit the (fairly) nearby city of Macau. We had heard it was a good night out but we hadn’t realised how popular the ferries were going to be to get there. We had assumed we would be able to jump on whichever one we wanted but that turned out not to be true! The only ones we could get on was a departure at 8pm and a return at 1am which meant only a few hours in Macau but would be enough for us to gamble with our not so huge budget and a few more cocktails. On checking in at the ferry the immigration department actually stamped you out of Hong Kong and had taken Laura’s departure card but had left mine in my passport. Now Laura is a very experienced traveller but I have never seen her panic like this. She was worried they wouldn’t let her into Hong Kong again which I said they would and not to panic. This didn’t seem to calm her down and as we sat on the ferry just before it was leaving she was frantically flicking through the guidebook and turned to me to say “have we really thought about this?” I wasn’t sure why she was panicking so much and it would be fine. Looking back now we laugh about it (a lot in my case.) Macau was amazing and it was exactly like Las Vegas which I wasn’t expecting. The money being spent there is phenomenal and I have since learnt that the money it generates is 7 times more than Vegas itself which makes you think where the gambling capital of the world really sits. We went to the Wynn hotel and played a little pontoon with the minimal budget we set aside. We won a few times but then gambled with our winnings and lost it all. Oh well….it was fun which is not what it was to some of the tables who were placing bets of thousands of pounds at a time and losing. Unbelievable. We had a few cocktails and then got the ferry back to Hong Kong where Laura was safely let back into the country.

So Hong Kong was not planned but was a fantastic trip and somewhere I would recommend going for longer than the traditional 2 night stopover. We planned to go to Japan in 2012 and on our third attempt we made it there – yay!

P.S. Laura hasn’t learnt to drive yet

Chapter 11: London revisited

2012 was to be the big ten year anniversary so should have been Chicago and Route 66 but since Laura hadn’t learnt to drive yet we decided we put that one off until she could. So the plan was to go to Verona for a few days of culture and then head to Valencia for Las Fallas festival which coincidently culminates on the 17th March. I have been to some other festivals in Spain like La Tomatina (tomatoes make very painful weapons and tall people make easy targets) and the running of the bulls at San Fermin (very drunk but one of the bests fiesta atmospheres I have ever experienced) and had no doubt that Las Fallas would be just as fun and impressive.

We were all booked to go when only a few weeks prior to our trip my Dad became seriously ill and was in intensive care. I was spending a lot of time with my family and thus didn’t want to be far away from home in case something happened.

So we stayed in the UK but still planned to spend St. Patrick’s Day with Laura in London. Now with a million things going on at home I was impressed that very quickly I managed to come up with a surprise plan for the day for Laura to make up for the fact that we were not away. Her support over the prior weeks had also been amazing so I was looking forward to saying thank you in a big way.
So I told her to meet me at Earl’s Court tube station ready for the day out. We met and then jumped back on the Overground down to Imperial Wharf as I had booked for us to have lunch in a hotel overlooking Chelsea Harbour. I gave her a card to celebrate our anniversary (as it were) and a glitter green hat to wear for the day! We had some lovely food, wine and gossip as we hadn’t seen each other as much as we normally would have with me being at the hospital and my parents’ house so much recently. Chelsea harbour is a lovely place to be to enjoy a quiet lunch over a brilliant view. It’s nice to daydream about owning an apartment there one day and to speculate over who your famous neighbours would be. At the time we were aiming for top A lister but I fear that now you may run the risk of it simply being a cast member of Made in Chelsea.

Post lunch we enjoyed a fantastic walk through Chelsea, Kensington and Knightsbridge spotting the current display of Faberge Easter Eggs that formed a hunt of about 260 eggs hidden around the city. Now we only saw a handful but still it was fun and allowed us to be tourists in our own city once again.

The main part of our celebration was to see the reunion tour of The Commitments (as in the actual band from the film) at the O2 arena. We made our way down there already a little tipsy and ordered more black stuff as soon as we were in the arena. The audience was on top form and we were not alone in being drunk. The atmosphere was friendly and one of the most fun I have had at a gig. The band was fantastic and it was a brilliant way to relive my youth as well as feeling like a truly unique St. Paddy’s Day celebration. Post-concert instead of waiting for the queue for the tube to clear we opted for a boat transfer back to central London as we loved being on the river and it also had an open bar so would mean we wouldn’t need to dehydrate (i.e. sober up) on our way to the next drinking hole. The journey along the river is blurry but we arrived at Embankment and headed straight for G-A-Y which was now in a new venue just around the corner. Were we heading back to our beginning roots of being absolutely hammered and in a gay club?! Proof that we still had it even ten years on! We danced the night away and then came the announcement that Steps would be performing on stage. OMG! Seeing one of the gayest bands ever just added to the excitement of what was a fantastic day already. Steps were good and after they vacated the stage more dancing to cheesy tunes followed until the draw of McDonald’s on the strand was too large a force to resist and we sat and ate some dirty food to minimize the hangover when we would awaken from our slumber in a few hours.

The journey home has escaped my memory but I know I will remember that day out forever as it was a brilliant day out with my best friend when I needed it most. Looking back at my Facey-B wall here’s what I posted the next day:

Lunch in Chelsea harbour, Easter egg hunt around Sloane square, cocktails, The Commitments at the O2 followed by Steps at G-A-Y = a very fun St. Patrick's day!!

There you have it…we had celebrated our tenth Paddy’s Day together. It wasn’t the original holiday (or back up) planned but there was always next year for that and if you can’t have fun in London then where can you eh?

P.S. Laura still hasn’t learnt to drive.

Chapter 12: Verona & Valencia

So planning for where to go in 2013 was easy. Verona and Valencia it would be! Regretfully it would mean that we would need to travel on Ryanair as they were the only airline to travel between the two cities but for a two hour flight we could scrape through. It does still amuse me that every person that travels a lot seems to adopt the mantra of “I don’t mind who we fly with as long as it’s not Ryanair.” I have done my fair share of flights with them and whilst I am grateful that they have allowed me to travel around Europe extensively for a very minimal price I still don’t enjoy the experience of travelling with them. They have firmly taken out the glamour and excitement of air travel.

First world problems aside we started our trip with a lovely little flight with BA across to Verona. I had wanted to go to the city for a long time as it looked beautiful in pictures and being a fan of Shakespeare’s work of course it played host to a number of his best work. Arriving in the city we checked into our hotel which was a small boutique hotel tucked away in a side road. We made the short walk to the town centre and sat in the main square overlooking the stunning arena.  We then indulged in what would be the first of many pizzas and a glass of Aeperol Spritz. With this being a twin centered holiday (as they call it in the travel industry) we had decided that the Verona part of our trip would be the more relaxed part and once we got to Valencia we would “get on it” as part of both the Las Fallas festival and of course Paddy’s Day.

So the afternoon of day one in Verona was very relaxing in that we walked the streets without really looking at the map simply taking in the atmosphere and wonderful buildings that line each side of the streets. It is only a fairly small city so we knew we wouldn’t get too lost and would always be able to ask directions to the main square where our hotel was within easy reach. We crossed the river at the spectacular castle and walked along the other side of the river simply admiring the view and talking. It also gave me a chance to plan out where I could run in the morning before breakfast.

We spent the evening in another lovely restaurant in Piazza delle Erbe this time opting for a pasta dish in order to alternate between the two main Italian favourites from lunch time to dinner time (a pattern we would adopt for the rest of the time in Italy.) One thing was also a requirement….please bring us the bread basket as we will devour it all without question (and before our drinks will even arrive.) Feeling full and fully carb loaded we started the wander back through town with the idea of stopping somewhere in the main square for a drink. However; before reaching our destination we discovered a lovely wine bar which we dipped into for a few glasses before bed time. This also became a nightly tradition for the rest of the trip. The bar was filled with locals which was also a sign and as well as selling fantastic wine we saw some people munching on bread sticks covered in parma ham which we were uber jealous of. Note to ourselves was to save room to sample some of those the next night!

I awoke fairly early to go for a run before more carb loading at breakfast. I love running in cities especially in the early hours as it gives you a chance to see the city start to awaken and also allows you to have the streets almost to yourself sometimes. My run through the old town and along the river was just what the doctor ordered and even meant I built up a hunger before breakfast which I didn’t think would be possible given how much bread I had eaten the day before. It also meant that I had explored further along the river than we had walked the previous day and thus had some ideas as to where we should walk to (and sample some of the lovely restaurants I spotted along the way of course.) Post breakfast we made our way through town to visit Juliet’s house which is one of the main tourist attractions in town (i.e. very crowded.) Still; no visit to Verona would be complete with visiting the site. The museum itself was not too informative and could be missed if I were visiting again; however it is great to see the famous balcony which Shakespeare used as inspiration in Rome and Juliet as well as looking at the many padlocks, letters and graffiti people have left in the courtyard to solidify their love for someone. The queue is long to touch the right breast of the statue of Juliet which is said to offer those that do lifelong happiness and luck in love. Laura waited her turn to do it and I was designated photographer. Hopefully the legend will come true otherwise it just make it look like Laura likes touching the breast of lady statues. Just saying.    

Walking further along the river we then stopped for another pizza and bread basket for lunch. The food in Verona really was spectacular and every mouthful was like a taste sensation. What I loved about each restaurant was that they really felt like an individual place and the owner was always super friendly. As we made our way back to the main square we went into the Arena to look around. It is a fantastic coliseum and one day I would like to return in the summer months in order to see an opera there as it must be amazing. At the time we were there the crew were getting the Arena stage ready for the opera season so I could only imagine what it would be like but one day I will find out for sure. 

That night we ate yet more pasta but made sure we had room for wine and breadsticks at our newly found local. They were fantastic and we would certainly be returning there on our final night the next day.

On our final day I started within another sunrise run and more river action when we went for a morning walk by the river and up to Castel San Pietro which affords stunning views across the city. We sat up there on the wall of the castle for an hour just thinking and watching the world below. After seeing the amazing views we went back to our hotel to use the spa which we pretty much had to ourselves. After our time up on the hill; two hours in a hot tub only added to the feeling of utter relaxation. A lovely day and could only be topped off with three things: wine, parma ham breadsticks and more pizza.

So Italy had been very good to us and Verona did not disappoint. So onto the next part of our holiday in Spain. We made our way to the airport; this time not the very handy Verona airport but “Verona airport” which was actually located in Bergamo, this was Ryanair after all!

We arrived in Valencia a little hungry as we had both refused to pay the prices for a terrible sandwich on board the plane and so we jumped on the train into town. We had opted for a hotel that was situated part way between the centre of the city but not far from the beach either. As it was coming to sundown our bodies had been accustomed to having a glass of red wine so we decided to walk down to the beach to find a nice bar to watch the sunset and enjoy a bowl of nuts to tide us over. It was lovely to watch the waves come in and before long we had firmly moved our brains from Italian food to Spanish and were ready for some tapas. We ate in a little tapas bar not far from the centre of town and marveled at how inexpensive each dish was and therefore completely over ordered. Needless to say we still made our way through two bread baskets I believe! During our after dinner walk we started to see groups setting up the Fallas in the street thus beginning the taking of many photos of each monument as we continued to have new favourites on every corner.

The festival itself is to celebrate St. Joseph. Each neighbourhood in the city has a group of selected people who fundraise (by holding fiestas and dinners usually serving paella) in order to then make the falla which forms part of the festival and on the last night is burnt. I had seen pictures of the festival before but seeing these structures in real life really brought home how much effort each of these groups had gone to. Some of the falla were fairly simple and small but the larger organisations had ones that towered far into the sky and depicted such elaborate (and sometimes naughty) scenes it was unbelievable to see.  

So after a little beer we were now waiting for the nightly fireworks that were due to take place at midnight. The streets were packed with people waiting for the same show and already the bangs of firecrackers that people were setting off was nonstop. We came to get used to this sounds as it continued both day and night throughout our entire time in Valencia. When we arrived back in London we were not used to the quiet and it felt wrong not hearing fireworks during the day. The official fireworks were fantastic and went on for a full 15 minutes or so. It was brilliant but after a long day we retired to bed (managing to sleep despite the still constant bangs outside.)

The next day we visited the city aquarium and walked around town taking in even more fallas. We also then got our first glimpse of the Virgin Mary offering. This consisted of a large wooden frame where each of the fallas groups would come and lay flowers and by the end of the festival the entire structure would be covered. It was yet another amazing site to see. For the evening we made our way back down to the beach for a long walk and yet more food which was nice before more fireworks that night.

The next day was St. Patrick’s Day. We were up and dressed in green and enjoyed a spot of breakfast. There was a bull fight going on at the historical bullring in the center of town. We made our way to our seats and got our first beers of the day. This was the first time I had been at a bullfight. I had visited this and other bullrings in Spain (in Ronda, Madrid and Seville) and I think they are beautiful pieces of architecture but I don’t think I would regularly frequent the fights themselves. Whilst I see that it is a skill that is very dangerous for the matador the human in me can’t help but think that the odds are heavily weighted towards the matador and not the bull. The bull is outnumbered at the start and thus is much weakened by the time it is one to one with the matador. We stayed for a few fights but left before the end in order to enjoy the much more humane elements of the festival. We then joined a group for a walking tour of the fallas which was fantastic. We learnt about the different groups taking part and were lucky enough to go inside the closed off areas and get up close to the falla which made for fantastic photos. At the end of the tour we also got to share a beer in the club house of one of the groups and learn about the types of fundraising events they had done in order to be able to afford being part of the festival year after year. Many fireworks and beers later we ended up in a fantastic tapas bar which had come recommended by our walking group tour leader. There was a queue for a table (made up of entirely Spanish people which is a good sign) so we made friends with some people who were doing a local lemon flavoured shot at the bar. Joining in we did a few of the shots and then were ready for our table where we had some of the best tapas ever (and that’s not just the alcohol talking.) Full and having fully enjoyed the day a close was brought to yet another successful St Paddy’s Day trip.

Our final few hours the next afternoon before our flight home were spent having a picnic in the park by our hotel for our last indulgence in bread, dips and meats before returning home to go on a diet.

We landed back in London very late but I had mysteriously felt quite nauseous on the plane journey home. Before you ask we were not flying Ryanair again so it can’t have been that. I made the car journey back home but was pretty violently sick all night and the next day meaning I couldn’t go to work. On the positive side it meant no diet was required as all excess weight had now been duly lost and that it indicated I was allergic to coming home and thus must get on to planning another trip immediately.

P.S. Laura has learnt to drive. Just kidding….it is still on her to do list.  

Chapter 13: Paris & Disneyland

In November 2013 Laura and I had saved a few days holiday from work so that we could go away just before Christmas. We hadn’t decided where to go but would make use of the standby deals we could get through Laura now working at British Airways.  We toyed with the idea of a long weekend in the Caribbean but rejected it based on too many people already being booked onto flights. Bastards. We looked at east coast USA but decided against the freezing temperatures they were experiencing. We then started looking at places in Europe and came up with a little jaunt to Disneyland Paris. I had been once before for the day around Christmas time and they had a Christmas parade which was fun and so we looked on the site and saw that whilst the Christmas parade would be running over that weekend we spied that they were also planning an entire day of celebrations on St. Patrick’s Day. We were sold. We would save our little Paris and Disney trip until the following March and for our weekend in 2013 we decided to go to Vienna for culture and Christmas markets.

We decided to make it a twin centre trip (again) and we were going to travel to Paris on a Friday evening after work and have a couple of days staying in Paris itself before heading to Disneyland for a couple of nights including of course the big Irish day. Laura and I met at St Pancras and had arranged to firstly have a glass of champagne to toast our trip prior to boarding the train. Now the champagne bar in the station boasts that it is the longest champagne bar in the world. Whilst it indeed serves nice champagne (of which we had two glasses before boarding) it is in fact a bit misleading in that the actual bar is not that long….it is that the bar space runs for most of the station length. Still; we could say we had done it.

One the train we were in the premium economy section meaning we got a little bit of food but more importantly unlimited drinks. We order wine, some more wine and then a tiny bit of wine to finish off the journey ultimately arriving in gay Paris fairly sozzled. It was already fairly late so we had made the plan to jump on the metro to our hotel and then go for just a few nightcaps locally. In the metro station we found out that public transport was free all weekend due to the pollution in the city which is something I have never known before. Even when I lived in Athens and the smog over the city was awful it never meant that public transport was free; it just meant that they implemented a congestion zone restriction. I must tell you about the beauty of this before I continue with our French adventure. In Greece they started a rule whereby you could only drive in the centre of the city dependent on your number plate. For example on Monday, Wednesday and Friday only cars with a number plate starting with an odd number could drive into town and on Tuesday and Thursday those with an even number could pass the congestion lines. So what did that mean in Greece? Simply have two cars or two number plates to swap over each day and thus still continue to drive to work. Madness! Anyway I digress. Excited by the prospect of not having to pay for the metro we made our journey to our hotel. 

We found a fantastic cocktail bar right opposite our place and we propped up the bar until the small hours taking recommendations of what to drink next from the barmen and gossiping about life.

Waking up in the morning we could definitely tell that our throats had not had anything remotely hydrating for some hours and so headed for breakfast to refuel. We had both been to Paris numerous times so didn’t need to “do” the main sights but we had booked a tour around town in a 2CV. We took a leisurely stroll along the river to where we met our driver and jumped in the back of the very French car. Our driver was cute and was sporting a beret just to add a dash more to the stereotype! 
The tour took us along the Champs Elysees and down to the Eiffel Tower which was fun. Stopping at traffic lights we still gained attention as the car is so iconic so it was nice to feel like a celebrity for 30 minutes or so. Leaving the tour Louis (our driver) gave us some other leaflets and two mini bottles of Chartreuse which excited me because it was something green to start St. Patrick’s Day with!

The weather in Paris was fantastic and we wandered around Isle de la Cite, Shakespeare and Co book shop, the Tulleries, the Pere Lachaise cemetery (a must when visiting the city) and the canal. We happened to be at the canal at dusk time and many young groups were sat by the water drinking (Desperado which if you haven’t had it then try it…it’s like dynamite) and getting ready for their Saturday night. We decided it was time for us to have a little drink (but not Desperado) and we found a little shop right on the banks of the canal that served both cheese and wine. Perfect. We ordered a cheese board and a glass each to have whilst we watched the world go by. It was great and made us feel tres Parisian!

So after 48 hours of immersing ourselves in real French culture it was time to move on an enjoy culture of a different form. Disneyland. Now I have found that people seem to either love or hate Disneyland and there is no real in between. Most people seem to like reminiscing about childhood favourites and as friends my age have children of their own now want to see the excitement on their faces. I never get tired of it and am not ashamed to say so. I think it is a great place to have fun and yes I know it is all very commercial but it is excellently done so why not just enjoy it. I will admit that the Paris park is the poor relation in terms to all the other ones but this didn’t stop this trip being my 5th visit to it. 

St. Patrick’s Day was our first full day in the park so we dressed in green and donned our glitter hats (purchase in the fashion capital of the world…Paris) and made our way onto the rides, watched the shows and parades and fully enjoying every moment of it. We couldn’t believe how much of an effort the park had put into Paddy’s Day. They had a special parade marking the occasion as well as having many of the characters dressed in Irish colours. The Chip n’ Dale show even had the two chipmunks doing Riverdance which I thought would be lame but in fact they executed it perfectly. Who knew chipmunks could dance so well? We spotted Chip at the meet and greet area and so waited briefly for our turn to have a picture with him. Now in the modern age we just took it as a selfie so all three of us were in the picture together. An English family who had just been before us started laughing and asked if they wanted them to take another picture as they hadn’t realised we were by ourselves and a selfie wouldn’t turn out that well. Thanks but no thanks….we are experts at showing no shame when it comes to having our Disney pictures thank you very much. Do you remember our Alice encounter in Hong Kong?

So selfies with Chipmunks firmly done we thoroughly enjoyed our day in the park and were ready for what the Disney village had to offer for night time entertainment. We changed into another shade of green and watched the St. Patrick’s Day fireworks which were great and then made our way for dinner and the first proper alcohol of the day. Now I had drunk the Chartreuse whilst getting ready for the evening (Laura chickened out of that drink) but I was ready for a beer. We had read in the Disney day planner that The Commitments were playing at one of the bars in the Disney village so we went to check them out. Arriving in the bar they were already on stage and I knew they were not the real ones (which we had seen just two years before in London.) None the less they were a great band and they had the crowd going. Song after song (and beer after beer) we joined in. They even had the families dancing who had rather inappropriately brought their very small children to the bar in buggies to let them sleep at the side of the dance floor. Who does that?!

The band then left before coming back for an encore and it was only at this time when they introduced the band that we realised two members (the guitar player and piano player) were in fact members of the band from the film. Very exciting for me as it is one of my favourite films from my youth. They played a little more to raucous applause. It was fantastic. We sat at the side of the bar after the gig ended finishing our drinks when the two said members of the band walked past. Spurred on by quite a lot of Corona (no Desperado as I am classy like that) I asked if we could have our photo with them. It was that time again for another selfie so we could all be in it together. We stayed and chatted with them for a while and may even have seemed like real groupies when we said we had been at the St. Patrick’s Day gig in London exactly two years before. Enter security and we were kicked out. Just kidding. They were super friendly and were very humble characters indeed.

On the contrary to the sober band members we also made friends with a young group of guys who worked at Disney and 75% of them were absolutely shitfaced. The 25% that wasn’t came in the form of an English man called Simon who had worked in the Disney parade for 4 years. He was very friendly and told us about the parade he was in the next day at the studios park and we agreed we would be there (with me wearing a Donald Duck hat for easy spotting) to watch him as we hadn’t seen the main parade that day. The remainder of the group were somewhat more hammered (one even having a toy doll with him whom he said he took everywhere) and when they informed us they were also on duty in the park at 11am I thought really? I was not convinced they would be making it in time for their parade given the inebriated state they seemed to be in (and that was from my drunken eyes!) None the less they were friendly and fun to be drunken buddies with for an hour or so and we would find out if they made it to work in 11 hours or so!

When the bar closed Laura and I returned to the bar at our Disney hotel. We wanted one more night cap and I was super excited they were serving Guinness as I was yet to have one since the bar we had just been in had run out. WTF?! We were chatting to ourselves when we noticed a woman sat on her own also at the bar drinking a flashing cocktail. Like moths to a flame Laura and I were very excited by this and asked her what it was (I can’t remember) but then asked her to join us. She was called Sue, was English but lived in Vancouver and was in Disney with her two kids and her Mum. Within a few minutes we realised that she was a very wealthy stay at home Mum that she found it incredibly hard work running the family home despite having a nanny and a cleaner hence being at the bar on her own for a rest. Hello? What do you do then all day when the kids are at school and how do you think other families cope with no help? She proceeded to then tell us that she didn’t like Disneyland Paris and that next year she would “just” take the kids to Dubai because that’s cheap and easy. She also let us know that for her daughter’s tenth birthday they hired the top Disney hotel in Los Angeles for a party on the balcony. Erm – how much money did she have and she was still wearing a tracksuit at the bar? We bade her farewell and as soon as the lift doors shut Laura and I both commented that perhaps it was a mistake to invite her over and perhaps she was an alcoholic. Bitches aren’t we but it is weird we both thought the same thing.

The next day we made our way to the studio park in plenty of time for the character meet and greet where our “friends” said they would be at 11am prior to the afternoon “Stars and Cars” parade. I spotted a ride which was like a pirate ship but a car and wanted to go on that but Laura’s hangover meant we needed to wait a little while before a rough ride so to speak and so we went on the slinky dog ride in Toy Story Play Land surrounded by very young kids and their parents. Turns out it was worth taking the shame as it was a good ride and quite a hidden white knuckle contender. Ok so that last part of the sentence was a lie but it made Laura confident enough to go on the car ride and not be sick. We never found our friends at the meet and greet but spotted them in the parade so they did prove us wrong and made it through vomit free. Perhaps it was a pre-requisite to be able to get hammered and still turn up to play nice with the families in order to work at Disney?

Sadly another year of celebrating came to an end and we boarded the Eurostar for a dash under the English Channel back to London. We had had another brilliant trip and giggle all the way home which was good as I had suddenly really begun to miss Sue. Why couldn’t she be a permanent fixture in my life? Again you have caught me lying but on a serious note one day I would like to work at a Disney park and become a fully-fledged cast member. I can dance, love Disney, like meeting new people and don’t get hangovers so I guess that means I am qualified?

P.S. Laura hasn’t learnt to drive yet so can’t be in the “Stars and Cars” parade or drive Route 66.

Chapter 14: Antigua

On Paddy’s Day people drink a lot. Pirates in the Caribbean used to drink a lot. Montserrat is the only other country in the World besides the Republic of Ireland to have St. Patrick’s Day as a public holiday. Therefore it was a match made in heaven. We would head to the West Indies for our inaugural trip to the Caribbean Sea together.

We decided on Antigua as we were both travelling on staff British Airways standby tickets and the flights there had plenty of seats left. It was an island I of course had heard of but I didn’t know anyone who had been and it’s one I hadn’t read much about.

We opted out of staying in an all-inclusive resort and booked a cottage that was by the beach. I had jested with Laura that we should stay at Sandals (the all couple resort) but she saw through my piss taking and agreed to the cottage. We hired a car (so this would kind of be like driving Route 66 right) which would enable us to travel the island and would also be my first time driving an automatic. It couldn’t be too hard right? Either that or I would be doing emergency stops all the time.

The plane door opened to a very warm rush of wind. Everyone loves that feeling when you have flown from much colder climes.  We picked up our car and made it to our cottage in time for sunset and without doing one emergency stop. Our cottage owners Doug and Gabi were super nice. Both Europeans but having lived on the island for 35 years. There were only 6 cottages set by a lake with the sound of the waves close by. It was beautiful. Doug and Gabi welcomed us with a beer and gave us a bottle of wine for our room. Perhaps they had heard about us before?

They showed us around our room and in a rather sexist fashion Gabi showed Laura all the features of the kitchen whilst Doug showed me the BBQ and how to use the safe. I fear they may have guessed the nature of our relationship incorrectly. That done they then said they would give us 10 minutes to freshen up before they would take us to the supermarket to get our supplies. Surely we could go another day and just get something in a local restaurant tonight after a long flight but they said that it wouldn’t be wise to be trying to find somewhere now it was dark so it was best to eat in. I feared they were saying we were actually more cut off than we thought but after a panicked question of “but there are restaurants around aren’t there” from me they clarified that yes there were.

So ten minutes later Gabi drove us into town and showed us where we should go for the sights. She took us to the supermarket where we stocked up on alcohol, breakfast materials and dinner for the BBQ that night. I am 90% sure she thought we were crazy buying so few items and her usual guests would stock up for the week. She had also accompanied us around the shop and had said that she would have one of the locals pack our bags for us and that she would pay the tip given that she would take the loyalty points from our shop. Bet she regrets that now as she probably only got one point from our measly shop.

We made our way back to the cottage and we had some beers and I cooked the meat on the BBQ in the most manly way I knew how. I dropped a couple of the sausages on the floor so they had to go. Perhaps a real man would have just thrown them back on the BBQ? I am sure Bear Grylls would have. So all in all it wasn’t the most rock n roll Paddy’s Day we had seen but still a lovely one and a good start to our trip.

Doug came to see us in the morning and spent an hour telling us what to see on the island and the best routes to drive there. A few facts that I learnt from him that morning:
-          Admiral Horatio Nelson had spent some time in Antigua
-          The locals did not like Horatio as he had prevented trade with the US
-          The English fired canons at ships to hit below the waterline so that the ship sank
-          Others fired so that the ship was blown to smithereens and huge splinters would wound    pirates causing a long and painful death
-          Montserrat was visible from various points on the island and has been known to recently through ash up to 35,000 feet in the air. If it does that then maybe our flight will be “stuck” here similar to the Icelandic ash cloud crisis of 2010? At least this time I would be stuck somewhere slightly more glamorous than Glasgow like last time eh?
-          In yesteryear sugar was the main trade of the island and at one point was worth more than gold
-          Drink driving and speeding were not an issue in modern day Antigua. He once heard of two people being stopped for speeding as the police had new toys in the form of speed guns. The culprits simply went to immigration to tell them their plight who then “stamped them off the island” for the date in question so that when the court date arrived they could legitimately say they were not on the island so therefore the speed offence must be incorrect. Sneaky.

So loaded up on information via from Dougapedia we then made our plans for the next few days. We went into St John’s to check out the shops and then drove down the coast to stop at a café called The Nest which was set on an amazing beach. The sea was the most brilliant blue and was very inviting. After a spot of lunch and a coconut shake we walked along the beach and had a dip in the sea. After a few rays on the beach we carried on along the coast road and stopped in another beach side place called OJs. I don’t believe it was related to the former football player. It was an even better setting than the Nest and we enjoyed watching the waves crash over the rocks in front of us.

That evening we drove up to the north of the island to where we were told on Wednesdays and Fridays a couple set up a fish and chip van by the side of the road. We managed to find it. We order a mix of scampi and cod. It was lovely. There were mostly locals around. Although could that be Doug and Gabi from our cottages with the residents of the other five cottages? A group night out without us?! How rude. To be fair it wasn’t rude at all and we exchanged pleasantries with them. The food was great and it was fun to be eating somewhere quite original. However; a few hours later Laura was keeping up with a semi tradition of all Paddy’s Day trips and was hugging the porcelain throughout the night. This time though it wasn’t alcohol related and more down to a rogue scampi we think. A shame but she was fine by morning.

We spent the next day on our local beach which was attached to a small all-inclusive resort. The beach was lovely and the sea was again uber blue and offered huge waves to play in. We were also lucky enough to watch a couple get married on the beach and took advantage of a few free coconut rum and cokes (which is just as healthy as pure coconut water surely?!)

We explored the island further over the coming days heading down south to Nelson’s Dockyard which reminded me of a Portsmouth in the sun and on to Catherine’s Café for a wonderful lunch. A gorgeous setting right on the beach and excellent food. We treated ourselves to three courses. I rounded off my meal with Ile Flotante which always reminds me of my youth. My Mum used to make it so it was a real treat to have it again although it didn’t surpass my Mum’s cooking. Nothing usually does beat your own Mum’s cooking though does it? We stopped at Shirley Heights on the way home which offered brilliant views across the island. Truly one of the most magnificent views I have had the pleasure of seeing.

Sadly we were coming to the end of our trip so we wanted to make the last few days really count. What to do? Ziplining was the answer. There was a three hour zip line course through the jungle in the centre of the island. We signed up and swung through the trees for a few hours. It was fantastic. The guides were very funny and even at times surprised us by wearing gorilla masks which was a little shocked as you arrived at the next tree. They were also know to shout “no I haven’t attached you yet” just as a zip liner had made the jump off the platform. Mean (if they did it to you) but hilarious for those left watching. The views of the lush hills was spectacular and something I would do again and say don’t miss it if you get the chance.

For our last night we had booked into a restaurant called Sheer Rocks. Gabi had told us it was one of her favourite places and was a really romantic spot. She even went as far to say that it could be known as the baby maker restaurant due to the romance one felt whilst there. She definitely got our relationship wrong but we didn’t correct her. Or the other guests for that matter. As we dressed up nicely for our evening the other older guests of the cottages were so excited they asked to take a picture of me and my lady. Not quite sure what they are going to do with the photo but it’s nice to please your public eh? So onto the restaurant we went. We got there early to have some more coconut rum and coke whilst watching the sun set. It was a good plan. The sunset was beautiful and was the perfect way to spend our last evening. The food post sunset was equally ravishing and the restaurant is a must if you are on the island. It is a romantic spot but it is equally good if you are there with friends. Laura and I decided not to make a baby that night although if we had it would be the perfect storyline for a b grade Hollywood rom com I think.

So our time as pirates came to an end and we had to get ready to leave Antigua. We had a final swim in the infinity pool and made our way to the airport. Laura tells me the flight home was turbulent for 7 hours non stop but I didn’t witness it as I was in a slumber. I arrived in London feeling ok to head straight to work. Laura was no quite so fresh after the roller coaster ride. 

However; we couldn’t complain after such a wonderful trip. Being tired at work for one day would be worth it. Our Paddy’s trip was over for another year.

I can sum up our trip to Antigua for you in two short words. Visit Antigua.


P.S. Laura still hasn’t learnt to drive.


Chapter 15: London

I know what you’re thinking. You live in London, why are you celebrating there again? When is this illusive Chicago trip actually going to happen?

Well this one was slightly complicated. We were all set to head to Chicago when unfortunately Laura’s Mum took sick a week or so before our departure and was enduring a short stint in hospital.

Fortunately Mummy Hamilton recovered from her emergency operation and was back home fighting fit not long after (which was our main priority) but it did mean we cancelled our Paddy’s Day trip.

So Chicago was not to be once more but I do feel that we are getting ever closer don’t you think?

So for the first time in many years I didn’t get to see Laura on St. Patrick’s Day which was a real shame. I still wore green on the day and had half a pint of Guinness at my desk before calling Laura that evening so it wasn’t all bad.

We re-arranged our own Paddy’s Day to take place on 22nd July when we could enjoy a full day out together in London. The day went like so:
-          We lunched in South Kensington
-          We walked through Kensington Gardens, Hyde Park & Green Park
-          We enjoyed the sunshine
-          We didn’t catch any Pokemon (current craze) & just accepted we were too old for Pokemon (for the second time in our lives)
-          We had a Mimosa at Shoreditch Grind on silicon roundabout
-          We had cocktails and a manicure at Barbour & Parlour in Shoreditch
-          We went to a pop up food market for cake and beer (no full meal as eating is cheating    remember. Especially in East London)

At this point we were just approaching the edge. You know the one I mean, where you aren’t yet drunk but you have enough self-awareness to know that you aren’t exactly sober either.

We went to the Ace Hotel for espresso martinis. An uber trendy establishment that had we known beforehand we should have taken our Mac Book with us in order to fit in.
We went to an underground bar that had kid’s dolls stuck to the ceiling and a roundabout horse to sit on.

We went to another bar where the cocktail menu was the barman who created something based on your likes and dislikes (it seems this list should be limited to alcohol and flavour rather than my actual hobbies.)

We made the conscious decision to miss the last tube because now Uber had changed our life. We waited for our Uber a few hours later. I told Laura I was drunk. She told me she wasn’t. I continued to chat away in the back of the taxi. Laura wound down the window. I knew what was coming.

“I feel a bit sick” she said.

“Don’t you dare ruin my Uber rating by being sick in the car” I caringly replied.

We made it home without a vomming incident and with my rating still intact.
It was a super day and one of my favourite days of 2016. It was worth the wait.

So next year Chicago, I promise!

P.S. Laura still hasn’t learnt to drive.


P.P.S. Laura had been drunk. The reason I know (besides the comment in the car) is that when we went to secret cinema to see Dirty Dancing the following day she couldn’t drink and her only achievements from the day before meeting me had been to get up and get ready to come out. A sure sign of a hangover if ever there was one eh?

Chapter 16: Chicago (finally)

So, after many years of trying we were off to Chicago. Ok, we weren't going to do Route 66 after but we were still off to the city that apparently knew how to celebrate Paddy's Day better than the Irish. In fact, a colleague of mine from Chicago informed me that the Dublin celebration organisers had actually just employed the Chicago organisers as consultants to help improve the Dublin activities. Ironic I think you will agree.

The weekend before leaving for our trip I was on my way to Laura's house to meet for lunch when aforementioned colleague messaged me to say that she had noticed her friends back home all posting pictures of the green river and I wasn't there.

WTF?

It seemed Chicago had decided to hold the green river ritual and parade a full 6 days ahead of St Patrick's Day. Why I ask you? Nobody had a good answer. In this respect I would say fire the consultants quickly Dublin. Get out while you can. 

So on the 16th March Laura and I finally arrived in Chicago. It was chilly but our downtown hotel allowed us to be in the midst of everything and once freshened up we took a quick walk to the river. 

"It still is a little green" Laura remarked. 

"It's a river Laura, it should be green" I said.

"No, more Green than usual I think." She retained.

She was optimistic I will give her that. For you as a reader I will spill the beans. There was no green left at all. Returning the next morning Laura had to concede and admit that this was just the river's natural colour. Perhaps we will still see it one day? Maybe our 20th Paddy Day anniversary?!

That aside though the trip was an absolute blast and went something like this:

We had a gigantic pizza pie at Uno on the first night and nearly burst

We shopped on the magnificent mile

We queued three hours to reach the summit of the Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower)

The queue was worth it.

However, we did have to air our grievances when one girl was taking approximately 20 selfies on the glass floor deck keeping a further queue not moving. 

We obviously aired said grievance to each other and nobody else. We are English after all you know.

We dined like Real Housewives of (insert city here but since we are in Chicago let's go with that one) at the Ralph Lauren Cafe.

We had a mani and a glass of prosecco at Polish and Pour in the Old Town making us glamour ready for the actual St Patrick's night out.

We drank Martinis, beers and a pint of Guinness.

Laura got ID'd yet didn't understand the question so just fist bumped the doorman. Surprisingly he actually let her in rather than assume she was shitfaced.

We found an Irish bar that was playing hip hop. We didn't stay for long.

Our Uber driver home told us he thought we would find more bars we would enjoy in a different area of town as the Old Town was for much younger people.

Bastard. 3 stars rating from me. 

We went to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the theatre.

Amazing show. Beautiful theatre. 

Ridiculous ticketing system. They wouldn't accept mobile tickets and told us to go to an internet cafe to print them out.

Sadly we didn't have the delorean to hand in order to go back to the 90s when internet cafes existed meaning we had to wait to 5 minutes before the show for them to hand write them for us. 

We took selfies by the famous bean.

Laura took photos with her iPad as her phone is from the stone age.

Please buy a new phone Laura. One that works. 

We enjoyed art at the city hall. Including several pieces mocking the recently elected Mr Trump. It seems Chicago shared my feelings. 

Our hotel had an amazing hot tub themed like a ski lodge. 

I enjoyed it to myself one night as Laura was chilling in the room. 

The tunes by the tub were kicking. The Doors & Jamiroquai amongst others.

I felt like I was in some sexy music video. I am sure it looked like it too.

Lovefool by The Cardigans came on. It reminded me of the scene in Romeo and Juliet when they are in the pool together. I remember seeing that film at the movies in Dundee and being aware for the first time that I was entirely encapsulated with the male character and not the female. 

Thanks Leo for helping me reach my gayness ;-)

We drank in Pops, the champagne bar. 

I did an 18 mile run along the shore of Lake Michigan. It was a stunning. 

We walked to the start of Route 66. One day I tell you. One day. 

We loved this city. It lived up to our expectations and was worth the wait.

P.S. Laura is still without licence. 

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